As a father of two young kids, my wife and I work to inculcate positive affirmations in our children…just saying things out loud that are an expression of our values. It’s propaganda from the dictators of our household :). One idea that persist is that “if you do what everyone else does, you’ll only get what everyone else gets”…the history that I have inherited from my father and his father has been “what everyone else gets”, so I am trying to be the generation that levels-up. That requires demonstrating to my kids that “we do hard things” and celebrate the process, and we get rewarded for working hard with integrity. It’s amazing how much kids notice and internalize as “truth” when they see mom and repeat things, whether good or bad.
I love this, especially the focus on the doing the hard things. You're absolutely right that kids model their behavior off what they see their parents do. I know I did that, and I'm trying very hard to model "be kind, work hard, stay off the goddamn phone" for my own kids.
Thanks for this thoughtful piece about this evolving challenge. I've noticed when families go out together, the parents will be all talking to each other while the kids just play on their phones. It's a wasted opportunity to socialize. Besides making rules I think we have to emphasize that screen time is designed to be addictive. The adults are victims too. Children have to understand that it will be a battle. They will have to ultimately moderate themselves just like we do for alcohol, TV, etc. We have to figure out how they should use devices when their skills quickly exceed our own. Maybe in addition to the pitfalls, they are building useful digital skills (one can hope!). I love that you are willing to take them out no matter what. Supporting and encouraging alternate activities is a great suggestion. Sleep-away camp requires weeks of digital asceticism--something we adults would really struggle with. So at least when the kids come back I can say "look what a great time you can have without screens."
Yes to all this, especially what you say about the behavior being easily addictive. We all need to finds ways to moderate it, I know it’s a balance I’m still trying to find.
I know it wasn't the point, but the steep slope on number of hours spent alone by age in the US is shocking. UK is doing better for older people, and they're doing better than a decade ago.
Funny, that’s the thing that jumped out at me in those infographics too. We have no strategy for recovering from what Covid isolation did to us, and to kids most significantly
love the guardrails about short form video!! I am going to try this as i do think these short bites add the the ADHD chaos already brewing in my childs mind.
Give it a shot and let me know what you think! I'm convinced it is a particularly nefarious way of rewiring our brains and should be avoided, not that its easy with how pervasive it is!
Right on. My kids are much younger, so we have much more control right now but we still try to be thoughtful. We get outside every day, we practice activities that require concentration, there are books in every room of the house, and we don't own a TV. We want to train them young that fun isn't passive screen time. I think having rules like you do, with flexibility that all screen time isn't bad, is critical.
Yes to all this! And I know from reading your excellent substack that you're committed to the outdoors personally, which goes a long way. Our kids in many ways focus on the things we focus on and I'm sure you all are focusing on the right things.
Thanks, Lisa. I think because we're all struggling with this we're all a bit ashamed to discuss it openly, but it's a problem and we really need to wrestle with!>
As a father of two young kids, my wife and I work to inculcate positive affirmations in our children…just saying things out loud that are an expression of our values. It’s propaganda from the dictators of our household :). One idea that persist is that “if you do what everyone else does, you’ll only get what everyone else gets”…the history that I have inherited from my father and his father has been “what everyone else gets”, so I am trying to be the generation that levels-up. That requires demonstrating to my kids that “we do hard things” and celebrate the process, and we get rewarded for working hard with integrity. It’s amazing how much kids notice and internalize as “truth” when they see mom and repeat things, whether good or bad.
I love this, especially the focus on the doing the hard things. You're absolutely right that kids model their behavior off what they see their parents do. I know I did that, and I'm trying very hard to model "be kind, work hard, stay off the goddamn phone" for my own kids.
Thanks for this thoughtful piece about this evolving challenge. I've noticed when families go out together, the parents will be all talking to each other while the kids just play on their phones. It's a wasted opportunity to socialize. Besides making rules I think we have to emphasize that screen time is designed to be addictive. The adults are victims too. Children have to understand that it will be a battle. They will have to ultimately moderate themselves just like we do for alcohol, TV, etc. We have to figure out how they should use devices when their skills quickly exceed our own. Maybe in addition to the pitfalls, they are building useful digital skills (one can hope!). I love that you are willing to take them out no matter what. Supporting and encouraging alternate activities is a great suggestion. Sleep-away camp requires weeks of digital asceticism--something we adults would really struggle with. So at least when the kids come back I can say "look what a great time you can have without screens."
Yes to all this, especially what you say about the behavior being easily addictive. We all need to finds ways to moderate it, I know it’s a balance I’m still trying to find.
I know it wasn't the point, but the steep slope on number of hours spent alone by age in the US is shocking. UK is doing better for older people, and they're doing better than a decade ago.
Funny, that’s the thing that jumped out at me in those infographics too. We have no strategy for recovering from what Covid isolation did to us, and to kids most significantly
It is very, very hard to try to put things back together... or build something new, but our door is always open for a random hang.
It is shocking. The problem is obviously wide spread, but particularly pernicious in the US. I am genuinely worried about this.
love the guardrails about short form video!! I am going to try this as i do think these short bites add the the ADHD chaos already brewing in my childs mind.
Give it a shot and let me know what you think! I'm convinced it is a particularly nefarious way of rewiring our brains and should be avoided, not that its easy with how pervasive it is!
Right on. My kids are much younger, so we have much more control right now but we still try to be thoughtful. We get outside every day, we practice activities that require concentration, there are books in every room of the house, and we don't own a TV. We want to train them young that fun isn't passive screen time. I think having rules like you do, with flexibility that all screen time isn't bad, is critical.
Yes to all this! And I know from reading your excellent substack that you're committed to the outdoors personally, which goes a long way. Our kids in many ways focus on the things we focus on and I'm sure you all are focusing on the right things.
I didn't think this was strident; rather, a clear, concise call to action for everyone. Thanks for articulating what we all need to hear.
Thanks, Lisa. I think because we're all struggling with this we're all a bit ashamed to discuss it openly, but it's a problem and we really need to wrestle with!>